OK. I lied. I said I was back, but I wasn’t really. And I may not be this time. This Capricorn’s life is in a huge swing of transition. Like HUGE. But instead of the tedious job of lamenting all these changes on my blog, I want to write about the things that I have grown grateful for since beginning this metamorphosis.
1) Sun rises – Who knew, but the sun rising is just as spectacular an event as the sun setting. Huh. Only took me 31 years to figure that out. Being graced by morning’s first spectral rays is a fantastic way to start the day, very similar to meditation. Now that I wake up at 4am to embark on my drive across the state to work, I actually see the sun rise, and it lays a happy protective arm over the rest of my day. I dig it.
2) Audio books – I’ve always been a big nerdy reader. I was quite literally reading novels in first grade. Reading was and still is my passion. But it’s time-consuming and when you don’t have a place to call home, or to put your feet up while you enjoy a good book, reading becomes almost impossible. Enter audio books and their never-ending convenience. Right now I’m commuting a minimum of 12 hours to/from work each week. Filling this time with book narratives has greatly reduced my suicidal tendencies in traffic.
3) Coffee – OK. This one isn’t new. Surely almost everyone in America understands and enjoys the splendors of coffee by now. I’ve been partaking in the joy juice since 7th grade, where I learned that it could help me stay awake while catching up on a years worth of incomplete math homework. Coffee takes on a completely new meaning when you have to wake at 4am to drive 3 hours to work. I’m pretty sure I no longer have blood, I survive on coffee. And thank the heavens for it, or else this chaotic journey would be that much less successful!
4) My Counselor – I was on anti-anxiety and anti-depression pills for the past year and a half. I felt great, but I also felt nothing. My passion was gone and I couldn’t write. I was eternally satisfied, no matter what the situation, but my skin also started breaking out like a 14-year-old boy. I decided to get off them. My skin is better. My brain on the other hand, well it’s still there, being mean to me, doubting my every move, causing panic attacks at inopportune times, feeling things. Thank the good lord I met my anger management counselor a few years ago. I’ve started going to her a few times a month to help sort out my thoughts and feelings. She’s great, clearly helps me define my own boundaries and teaches me to self talk myself out of a crazy spell. It’s nice. Yay counselors.
5) My best friend Jim – Did I tell you that I no longer have an apartment and that I bought a house on the other side of the state for my sisters, but still work in the Metro Detroit area and thus can not afford a place of my own? Yeah, that’s happening. I’m beyond grateful that my best friend Jim is letting me sleep on his couch during the work week. I feel like a loser. I feel lost and scared. But at least I have a place to rest my weary head, store my almond milk, and work on my resume.
I know everything will work out. I fear that it may work out differently than I want, but I’m becoming more prepared to deal with anything that comes my way. Growing up. Man. Welcome to the unknown.